This was the question on tonight's 20/20 with Barbara Walters and one that I have often asked throughout my life.
My father, Mark, left on the day after my 4th birthday in 1977, never to be seen or heard from again. I immediately told my friends that he had gone to "heaven." I guess because I had been taught that Heaven was a place where people go and you don't see them anymore-until you die.
As the years went by and other people that I knew died, I would say that maybe they would know where my Dad was.
I was raised Catholic and attended Catholic school for a good part of my elementary education. I went to church on Sunday every week and prayed each night before I went to bed. I learned from an early age that if you are good you will go to Heaven and if you are bad you will go to Hell. It was pretty cut and dry. I never questioned it.
When I was 13 my Nana was diagnosed with cancer. I remember praying with her and for her. My cousin Annemarie and I would have Mass in the living room for Nana when she could no longer leave the house to attend church. Two years later she died. I was so angry at God. I remember not wanting to go to the cemetary knowing she was buried there. I turned to my only known belief that she was not in the ground with her casket, but in Heaven with all those who had gone before her-including my dad. This gave me the comfort of knowing that no matter how long we would be apart-that Nana was in Heaven watching over me, guiding me and waiting until we meet again.
In the 17 years that my Nana has been gone-I have had several encounters with her. The first was only a few moments after she passed away. I had spent the earlier part of the day with her at the nursing home. She was very weak and tired-but managed to make me laugh and told me she loved me. I left to go home and a few hours later I felt this strange feeling in the middle of my chest--it wasn't painful-more like the wind being knocked out of me. I immediately picked up the phone and called the nursing home. The nurse asked if I was a relative and finally put my aunt on the phone. My aunt couldn't believe that I had just called--it was only minutes before that Nana had passed. I believe that what I felt was her soul traveling through me to Heaven. She needed to have me feel her presence one more time.
Several months later I was in a very serious accident and spent several months in the hospital. When the accident happend, I remember feeling like I was watching the whole scene from outside of myself. I felt like I was suspended between Heaven and Earth--it was incredible--I was not afraid-but I do remember hearing someone--maybe Nana--saying it was not my time.
I underwent several surgeries to repair my leg. The last one-the most complicated one-required two surgeries at the same time. I remember laying on the table in the operating room and the nurse placing a blanket on me. The doctor and the nurses stepped out of the room for a minute--not sure why--but I remember feeling a hand on my shoulder-I looked up and my Nana's image was there-she was telling me that everything was going to be ok.
I came through the surgery and recovery with flying colors. I can still cartwheel and tap dance all these years later!
Ok, back to the Heaven question: I do believe in Heaven. I believe that someday, when it is the right time, I will once again see my father, Nana, my cousin Matthew, Grandma, Papa, Danielle, Ernie, Gary, Todd, Uncle Tony, baby Kevin and baby Charlie, Nonnie and Papa Struzziery, Grandpa Fleming, Non and Grandpa Tom, and everyone else that I know who has passed away.
I believe and I pray that they are no longer suffering and are watching over those they have left behind and are waiting to be reunited with all of us someday.
Aleisa
